Trips to Hell

I watched THE RUINS recently, a flick that seemed to get mostly good reviews but tanked at the box office. I suppose your average mouth breather had believability issues with the flesh eating vines. I hope I didn’t give anything away there. I read the book a couple years back and liked it it but thought it would be a tough sell as a movie. The vines are also very crafty and can mimic sounds that they have heard in order to lure prey. They are never really explained and I liked that as it seemed creepier. I suppose the bottom line is once again while on vacation, if the locals tell you not to go somewhere, you probably shouldn’t. You don’t wanna end up like sometime Gorillanaut reader E. Fouquet. They kept a lot of the plant mimicry in the movie, a fact I’m sure that caused multiplex viewers to say “Oh, come on.” But I like the fact that this pleasant beach trip takes a horrible hellish turn into to something so unknown and irrational that it seems that you are in hell itself.

                                  ” No margaritas, only killer vines and tecate, 200 pesos”


The presence of carnivorous vines that mimic your voice just to fuck with you is pure nightmare stuff that totally contradicts your reality, not to mention the cutting of vines out of your flesh or sawing another guys legs off, only to have the vines carry them off.

I suppose I can see why people with lesser imaginations didn’t buy it, but it is a grim and gruesome picture with some skill behind it.

                                         ” let’s get these babies on the grill”



                                  “But it’s spring break and I wanted to meet Mark McGrath”

THE RUINS reminded of one of one of my favs about completely illogical, nightmarish things-the giant, telepathic, bullet proof, man eating crabs of Roger Corman’s ATTACK OF THE CRAB MONSTERS.  A group of scientists on a deserted island have to fight off radioactive giant crabs that eat the brains of their victims then telepathically project their victims voices in order to lure the others into a trap. It makes no sense except on a nightmare level and despite the low budget and paper mache giant crabs, is pretty effective. (On a related note, how about a Criterion set of 50’s Corman. It would sell and all that is available now is pretty crappy. My CRABS pics are from vhs). The crabs are smart and systematically blow up the island with some sort of mutant power in order to herd the humans together so they can feast and breed.

CRABS is a perfect example of how to make something cheap but with unique concepts and with Russell Johnson. I imagine the screenplay by Charles Griffith deserves a lot of the credit. The Ronald Stein score is great also.    


Todays quote:  Only when all the flesh had gone was the crunching of bone audible to the watching humans. The giant crabs did not believe in waste.

Posters from the garage-the Don’t Go In The Water edition





By Conner Smith

Paul Snider’s SEX BENCH-The Real Star 80

About three or four years ago I did a post on STAR 80. Originally it started as a post about horror movies that aren’t technically horror movies, which STAR 80 seemed to fit due to it’s various themes and horrible shit that happens, especially the corpse rape of Dorothy Stratten and the fact that Bogdonovich is also a creepy motherfucker. For that matter so is Hefner(get over it, he’s creepy) and obviously Snider. But anyway, I saw it as a fractured fairy tale type story initially than I realized it was really about Paul Snider’s sex bench for the most part, It’s similar to the way Kubrick’s EYES WIDE SHUT is about lamps. But mostly I wanted to be the number one google source for the term “Paul Snider’s sex bench”. I deleted the post for some reason but wanted to mention “Paul Snider’s sex bench” so I’m presenting an new version. And also I wanted to mention that sometime  reader E. Fouquet was a neighbor of Snider and loaned him his Black & Decker reversible drill to construct the famous “Paul Snider Sex Bench”. He claimed to need it for a spice rack, says Fouquet.

















Paul Snider’s sex bench-the real Star 80.

The Phantom Stranger

I’ve been getting into The Phantom Stranger lately. He’s got a cool medallion and I’m not really sure what he does but he’s cool.













Fractured Fairy Tales: Inside

In the mood for something relentless, brutal, yet somehow French? Then check out INSIDE. Holy Cats, is this fucking thing a bloody nightmare. It definitely comes across as a blood soaked fairy tale.  And it’s French!

It’s a simple story: a pregnant woman and the crazy woman in black who wants to cut out her baby.


It was pulled from Wal-mart, so that’s good. I think these French guys are doing the HELLRAISER remake.



This one’s bound to offend somebody.

More Crap from the Garage-Pressbooks

Here’s some sleazy pressbooks. This stuff was cheap back in the 80’s.




















Posters from the Garage

I don’t have many posters left, but here’s some of them.




and my personal fave, I like the pulp adventure look it has.

Fractured Fairy Tales: The Singing, Ringing Tree

Ah, here’s some good old fashioned nightmare fuel,Das Singende, klingende Bäumchen. A snotty but hot princess learns to be nice but not before a guy gets turned into a bear by a wicked dwarf.