Don’t watch Clark. Watch COLD PREY (Fritt Vilt)

 

Hi, Clark here. Don't worry about me. Watch COLD PREY instead.

Hi, Clark here. Don't worry about me. Watch COLD PREY instead.

It’s Norwegian, Mac.

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Afterwards, you might wanna check on…

"I'm all right now"

"I'm all right now"

Seriously, it was really good.      


Before Malcolm, before Professor, there was DOCTOR X! Long Live The Synthetic Flesh!

Finally got around to DOCTOR X from the HOLLYWOOD LEGENDS OF HORROR COLLECTION. For some reason I had only seen the tragically awful THE RETURN OF DOCTOR X  with the equally tragic casting of Humphrey Bogart, which to be fair doesn’t really seem to be a sequel.  DOCTOR X is a great pulp horror mystery, made especially cool by this restoration that replaces the Technicolor Two Strip process and bathes everything in pastel painterly greens, browns and gold. It really gives it an eerie, horror pulp cover feel.  Director Michael( nice guy) Curtiz does a great job of setting the mood and making Fay Wray look great. The story has a series of horrific cannibal killings committed during the full moon with Doctor X assisting the police. There’s an annoying newspaper guy on the case who you’ll really want to get murdered.  Since it was made before the strict enforcement of the production code, Curtiz squeezes in some sordidness like pornography, dope fiends, hookers, all the fun stuff that would later be frowned upon. It has great lab sets with bizarre industrial machines that are all levers, dials and sparks as well as standards like a morgue, gloomy sea side manor and your requisite creepy domestic help. And Fay Wray and my boy Lionel Atwill are great.vlcsnap-1154675

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Behold! I have created THE INVISIBLE RAPING GORILLA!

outlookORLOFF AND THE INVISIBLE MAN 

LA  VIE  AMOUREUSE  DE  L’HOMME  INVISIBLE

DISCLAIMER: Gorillanaut, The Naked Jungle and their parent company, LIMBANI UNIVERSAL, do not find real rape to be funny. However, we do find fictional rape to be hilarious when the rapist is an invisible gorilla.

Dr. Orloff has created an invisible gorilla. That’s about it for the plot. At one point, the invisible gorilla sorta rapes a “scullery maid”. She rolls around in the hay as the invisible gorilla fondles her. It’s not as cool as it sounds. What’s really weird is this the second flick this week I’ve seen where a chick gets fucked by something invisible, the first being the god awful near porno THE POSSESSION. ( more on that one another time) The actress playing the maid never really sells me on the fact that she’s getting raped by an invisible gorilla, it’s more of a heavy petting which eventually she settles into. The gorilla doesn’t give us a lot of positions either. At the least, a good bit of rigorous doggy style was called for. In  her defense, it was a tough acting bit to pull off. Can you imagine Gwyneth Paltrow acting like she’s getting reamed by an invisible gorilla? Me neither. Maybe Angelina Jolie in her Billy Bob days. Anyway, this movie is really not that good, despite being directed by Pierre Chevalier or actually because it was directed by Pierre Chevalier. I don’t really know who he is but I’m gonna steal his name for something because it’s a great porno name. Maybe for my feature les amours de nombreux anal gorille.  The disc comes with an alternate “clothed” sequence which no one asked for. That’s what I want in my sleazy eurotrash picture, the option of seeing the girls clothed. Fucking genius. 

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Technicolor S & M-Bava Style THE WHIP AND THE BODY

LA FRUSTA E IL CORPO

Christopher Lee is Kurt, the black sheep of the Menliff family ,who returns to his family’s castle by the sea where he resumes his sadistic ways with his brother’s wife, the willing Nevenka. Before you can say “Guido Crepax” things go wrong( technically, more wrong as the family was a bit nutty to begin with) as Kurt gets stabbed in the throat and Nevenka may or may not be seeing and getting flogged by his ghost.  It’s a kinky and beautiful love story from Mario Bava full of great stuff like sinister housekeepers, jealous cousins, bloody daggers displayed quite nicely,hidden passageways, crypts, a ghost,nice scenic flogging beach, and a thunderstorm. 

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THE FIRST BLACK SUPERMAN

at GORILLANAUT

 

ABAR-THE FIRST BLACK SUPERMAN

I’m talking about ABAR of course, JOHN ABAR! If you like 70’s Marvel Comics like LUKE CAGE- POWERMAN you’ll love ABAR.  

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A young Mark Essex sights his sights on the future

A young Mark Essex sights his sights on the future

 

 

Years late Mark Essex would ponder, "why Howard Johnsons? I could've stayed at a Holiday Inn"

Years later Mark Essex would ponder, "why Howard Johnsons? I could've stayed at a Holiday Inn"

I’ve been waiting for a long time to do Mark Essex jokes

 

 

 

                                             

MONSTER BABIES & David Caruso in short pants!

MOONBOY aka Mr.Canacorn of Awesomeness For Awesome’s Sake gets ready for fatherhood and childbirth by watching Larry Cohen’s cautionary trilogy IT’S ALIVE, IT LIVES AGAIN and ISLAND OF THE ALIVE

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BUT THAT’S NOT ALL

BWANA braves the tiny shorts of TV’s David Caruso and flying sucker monsters as well as that tall dead guy in WITHOUT WARNING

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CAPTAIN AMERICA & THE FALCON discuss race in bed

Hey, it was the 70’s.

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