SHARK WEEK- CYCLONE a.k.a. TERROR STORM


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That’s right friends, the devastatingly unpopular  SHARK WEEK continues. How unpopular? Michael Vick, Cheney, Obama’s Health Care, that Jon 8 babies guy, Rhianna’s pimp ( although I’m not really sure who she is)… well you get the idea. To make it worse, it’s another Rene Cardona Jr. excursion, the non-epic CYCLONE. 

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CYCLONE

So the version I got from Netflix is titled TERROR STORM which is pretty misleading as the storm is only a cameo. Being a Rene Cardona Jr. flick the storm takes its sweet time to terrorize. Once again we get lots of Andres Garcia, this time as a handsome fisherman, and Hugo “What, Me Worry” Stiglitz as the pilot. Hey do you guys remember that butler from HART TO HART? He was the guy that said “My boss, Mr.Hart he drowned his wife after rough man sex with Christopher Walken” and so on. Well, he plays either Gwildor from MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE or possibly a rich guy werewolf.

 

"We're all gonna die!"

"We're all gonna die!"

 

"Of course, Wagner was a great bottom man."

"Of course, Wagner was a great bottom man."

 Cardona Sr. made SURVIVE! about the soccer players eating each other in the Andes so Cardona Jr. decided to remake it but set it on a boat. Once again, some sharks show up at the end to try to redeem the movie and make it exciting.As with the alleged shark movie I reviewed two days ago and can’t remember the name of, he takes a live shark and sticks bloody shredded clothes in its mouth then films it swimming away. The highlight of this flick is the “dog burrito minus the tortilla” scene where an adorable pooch named “Christmas” meets a hungry Mexican.

 

"No Tecate, only Bud Light and dog."

"No Tecate, only Bud Light and dog."

By the time the sharks eat a bunch of people you just don’t care. I’m not even sure who survived. Still, it’s not as long as the other Cardona Jr. flick that sorta had sharks in it.

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