FINAL GIRL FILM CLUB- THE DEVIL’S RAIN


FINAL GIRL FILM CLUB

I love a good seventies devil worshipping picture especially one that has a cast that plays like the greatest Quinn Martin show never made. All this thing needed was William “Cannon” Conrad tearing ass around in a big ol’ Lincoln Continental. William Shatner, Tom Skerritt, Keenan Wynn, Ida Lupino , Mr. Douglas himself Eddie Albert and big Ernie Borgnine all star in the most Satanic p.s.a. ever about the importance of returning your overdue books to the library. Right from the opening credits you know it’s gonna be spooky as it sounds like the part of the SLAYER record before the guitars and double bass drums start. Not to mention the expert technical advise of the devil’s own Billy Mays, the guy responsible for selling THE SATANIC BIBLE to sullen teens everywhere, Anton LaVey.  So Anton’s real name was Howard, which wasn’t satany enough so he decided to call himself Anton. No matter how you slice your bread, that’s just douchey.

The plot has devil worshipping Ernie Borgnine trying to recover the book of devil stuff he needs to make old Satan happy . Why it has taken him so long to get it from such a group of idiots is anyone’s guess.

Shatner does a early version of his Rack Hanson character from KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS and man o’ man is he horrible at fighting demon stuff. He blows it immediately even with the magic necklace. So Skerritt steps up with the help of Eddie Albert. I guess none of that really matters as long as Shatner gets tortured and Borgnine gets all goat- man like some kind of Dr. Moreau’s island escapee. Borgnine reads the hell outta his various satanic hoodoo dialogue, he’s all ” Lucifer, the goat of the pit and what not”. He’s good. Borgnine good. Sadly Skerritt is almost as bad as Shatner at devil busting even when wise old Eddie Albert bust out the demon book with names written in blood that Skerritt is remarkably incurious about.  Skerritt seems hell bent on being captured but fortunately Albert has The Devil’s lava lamp for about six seconds before he blows it too. But at least we’re getting to the ultimate melted crayon conclusion.

 

"No Mr. Douglas, I'd say more Goat-Man than Man-Goat really, although..."

"No Mr. Douglas, I'd say more Goat-Man than Man-Goat really, although..."

 

You know who else would’ve been really good in this as Corbis if Borgnine had been unavailable? Andy Griffith. Or Dark Andy Griffith. The guy who played evil parts after leaving Mayberry. Like in PRAY FOR THE WILDCATS,  which also had Shatner. Check this out:

Of course that has nothing to do with THE DEVIL’S RAIN, but still. 

I really like THE DEVIL’S RAIN as for me it’s just a perfect drive in picture, just pure dopey devil chic cheap entertainment. It takes me back to being a kid reading Ghost Rider comics, listening to Black Sabbath, watching Kolchak  on TV. I remember when I saw this at the theater I convinced a neighbor kid to go with me whose favorite movie was THE SOUND OF MUSIC. So he was sorta like a Rod or Todd Flanders. I would think anybody with a taste for star studded schlock would like it. The poster really needed the star’s pics on the bottom like AIRPORT 77.

 

"But reign makes so much more sense, doesn't it?"

"But reign makes so much more sense, doesn't it?"

 

"Sookie, sorry about the mess we made in your house "

"Sookie, sorry about the mess we made in your house "

 

 

 

" This DemonSphere TV sucks. I can't even tell who has the ball."

" This DemonSphere TV sucks. I can't even tell who has the ball."

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3 Comments

  1. Why no mention of Travolta?

    And I thought I was the only one that knew about creepy Andy Griffith in PFTW! Only a real man (and actor) can out-creepify Marjo.

  2. He didn’t have any lines and I wanted to avoid an obvious scientology joke. Marjoe’s okay, I like the documentary MARJOE. Loved him in EARTHQUAKE, as crazy Jody trying to get at Victoria’s hot ass. But he’s not gay despite the muscle mags.

  3. Dear Gorrilla… naut.

    I just wanted to let you know about the James Bond-O-Thon I’m planning for the second week of November. Until then, I’ll be reviewing all Bond films in chronological order. Enjoy, and please visit from time to time to see how the Old boy is doing.
    And of course, you’re invited to the november ‘Thon.


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