Oh Denise!

 

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I’m a big TAMMY AND THE T-REX fan.

 

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LES PLAISIRS DE SADIQUE ANAL GORILLE

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FINAL GIRL FILM CLUB -FRIDAY THE 13th/MY BLOODY VALENTINE

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Random thoughts… I apologize for the meandering

FRIDAY THE 13th Uncut- Blu ray

Holy crap, is it really just 10 seconds they added to this motherfucker? I only really noticed some more Bacon as he gets the impossible arrow driven through his fake neck. How the fuck did Betsy fit under the bed, reach out, grab Bacon and then shove an arrow slowly through his neck anyway? I bet Savini wasn’t happy when he saw this blu ray as it does his work no favors.

I can’t say I was impressed with the actual blu ray disc. The daytime stuff looks great but the night scenes look awful. They were dark before but now they are very grainy and there’s no blacks. To make it worse the whole image is cropped, so you’re not actually seeing everything.  You think they would’ve cut the killing of the real snake out just to save them the inevitable whining. I get the feeling they rushed this out to cash in. Should’ve put Padalecki on the cover, he’s dreamy.

As far as the actual movie goes, it’s as good as it needed to be. You gotta wonder why, especially in 1958, a cook would bring her monstrously deformed son to her job. It’s the fifties, chain him to a radiator or something.  Also, for a kid that can’t swim with a wonky head he got pretty far out there in the lake.

As far as the girls, seems like they could’ve picked some cuter ones. How hard could that be? Nice tits are one of the cheapest and best way to boost production value in an exploitation flick. ( Yea, I know I sound like an asshole but it makes sense all things considered)

The score and sound effects sounds great on the bluray.

I kept thinking Mr. Christy looked like Ned Flanders. When the final girl found him hanging upside down it reminded of  a guy doing sit ups with gravity boots.

Why do dudes in horror movies do Bogart impressions?

The flick has more nostalgic appeal for me than anything else. I was in high school in 1980 and remember the trailer and radio spots well. There was a chick in my school named Margaret Voorhees who had a magical ass. I asked her to my prom, she said no.

I saw Betsy Palmer on Captain Kangeroo once, during the beginning where people would say “Hi, Captain”.

I wonder what Arboghast looks like naked?

Blah, blah, blah…BAY OF BLOOD…blah,blah,blah CARRIE…. (that’s right, four ellipses)

Mrs. Voorhees really doesn't want CBGB's re-opened

Mrs. Voorhees really doesn't want CBGB's re-opened

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MY BLOODY VALENTINE

I hadn’t seen this since it came out but a lot of the other horror nerds were excited about the uncut version so that’s cool. 

So it’s set in 1981 Canada which would make it 1974 America, more or less. Except for young Wilford Brimley the cast is kind of pasty.  All the Moosehead made me wanna puke.  Basically, everyone looks like they’re on their way to a Chilliwack concert.  But despite being goofy, they’re all pretty good and realistic.

The first killing of green eye shadow girl seemed tacked on and out of place but I understand why it was there.

I really like the back story and the way the plot is constructed. It gives the flick a little more depth than the usual slasher and helps with the whodunnit aspect.

Man. that’s a good drier. I wish mine got that hot.

Loved the nail gun on young Mr. Brimley.

I don’t remember any naked chicks.

My favorite shot was the kid under the bed.

Why was that guy snorting soft drinks?

Lead dude looked like John Mayer.

Waitin' for Chilliwack

Waitin' for Chilliwack

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Rule: “no women in the mine”. Wow, that’s a bad rule.

MBV would make a great triple bill with THE BOOGENS and THE SEVERED ARM.

Nice to see the gore put back . I love latex and ingenuity.

FINAL GIRL


Le Vampire de Mariees Anal Gorille

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Behold! I have created THE INVISIBLE RAPING GORILLA!

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LA  VIE  AMOUREUSE  DE  L’HOMME  INVISIBLE

DISCLAIMER: Gorillanaut, The Naked Jungle and their parent company, LIMBANI UNIVERSAL, do not find real rape to be funny. However, we do find fictional rape to be hilarious when the rapist is an invisible gorilla.

Dr. Orloff has created an invisible gorilla. That’s about it for the plot. At one point, the invisible gorilla sorta rapes a “scullery maid”. She rolls around in the hay as the invisible gorilla fondles her. It’s not as cool as it sounds. What’s really weird is this the second flick this week I’ve seen where a chick gets fucked by something invisible, the first being the god awful near porno THE POSSESSION. ( more on that one another time) The actress playing the maid never really sells me on the fact that she’s getting raped by an invisible gorilla, it’s more of a heavy petting which eventually she settles into. The gorilla doesn’t give us a lot of positions either. At the least, a good bit of rigorous doggy style was called for. In  her defense, it was a tough acting bit to pull off. Can you imagine Gwyneth Paltrow acting like she’s getting reamed by an invisible gorilla? Me neither. Maybe Angelina Jolie in her Billy Bob days. Anyway, this movie is really not that good, despite being directed by Pierre Chevalier or actually because it was directed by Pierre Chevalier. I don’t really know who he is but I’m gonna steal his name for something because it’s a great porno name. Maybe for my feature les amours de nombreux anal gorille.  The disc comes with an alternate “clothed” sequence which no one asked for. That’s what I want in my sleazy eurotrash picture, the option of seeing the girls clothed. Fucking genius. 

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