VIGILANTE FORCE REVIEW

No it’s not part of Tim Kincaid’s WORKING MAN TRILOGY,  it just looks that way.

VIGILANTE  FORCE REVIEW HERE!

Victoria Principal!

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JAMIE GILLIS R.I.P.

As many of you know, JAMIE GILLIS has gone and died. Here’s some reviews and pics of his work.

WATER POWER

LUST AT FIRST BITE

DRACULA EXOTICA

ULTRAFLESH

PRINCESS OF MARS Traci Lords!

REVIEW HERE

Here’s a pic from Traci’s earlier film TRACI, I LOVE YOU where she appears to be blow drying her hair:


SORCERESS

Time to go back in time again, to when they made fantasy movies for men, 1983 or so. Give or take. No teary eyed hobbits or boy wizards. Just titties, horny satyrs, fruity evil guys, evil monkeys and torture. I’m not sure why SORCERESS is called SORCERESS. I would’ve called it WARRIOR TWINS or SWORDS OF THE WIZARD TWINS.

Back in the olden days a wizard named something stupid needs to sacrifice his first born for some reason. The mom has somehow hid the fact that there are twins so the wizard doesn’t know which one he has to kill. I think. The mom won’t say which is which so the wizard’s goon rakes her vaginal area with a rake/claw trowel like thing. A good guy magic man shows up and saves the twins by temporarily killing the wizard. He has multiple lives it turns out but it takes him about the same amount of time it takes the twins to age enough get legally naked to come back. In the mean time they are giving the ability to occasionally glow blue and are raised by a farmer as boys. While the twins are skinny dipping, a horny satyr watches them while apparently masturbating. Meanwhile back at the farm the wizard terrorizes the farm family  until the girls show up, glow blue and kick ass. The family dies but the girls meet a helpful Viking who shows up out of nowhere. The original good guy magic dude who sorta looks like Shazam the Wizard reappears to hand out wisdom before stepping into a fire and burning up in a mysterious wizard like way. And yeah, all this is as good as it sounds.

So they’re off to get revenge on the wizard who unknown to them is their father. The Viking hooks up with his buddy, some sort of slumming noble who likes cheap pussy and gambling. He is almost impaled for being a cheat. They put him naked on a greased pole with a pointy stake just under his buttocks, but sadly the wizard realizes he is some sort of royalty who may be useful for some stupid reason and spares him. But the real reason is so he can screw one of the twins and get a nude scene.The twins still don’t know they are girls by the way. Eventually one is kidnapped and gets fucked by the buddy gambler guy whose name I forgot. Let’s call him Steve. Just like in real life as Steve screws one twin the other twin feels the pleasure and lies on the ground climaxing. After some evil monkeys get everyone drunk on magic L.S.D. fruit and the satyr dances with some wood nymphs but before the zombie fight, the evil wizard plans the sacrifice. A weird bat lion monster appears in the sky but doesn’t really do anything except snarl at a evil woman’s giant floating sky head. The head may be the Sorceress of the title. It doesn’t really matter. Steve manages to end up with both chicks. My copy was a vhs. I imagine it would play well with the volume down and accompanied by the Cirith Ungol album “Frost and Fire”.

DEATHSTALKER

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DEATHSTALKER takes you back to when they made fantasy films for men, like say 1983 or so. It’s got tits, ass, a fruity villain, Barbi Benton, Lana Clarkson, a pig faced villain, a Sorbo-esque guy in a cute half top, mud wrestling, a pillow fight, gratuitous barbarian style turkey leg eating and a bizarre transexual transformation scene that could make you slightly uncomfortable. Basically all the shit that LADYHAWKE didn’t have. Oh yeah, and a cool poster.

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Yes, but can nice tits save this picture? THE HILLS RUN RED

With great sadness, I guess I gotta say no. THE HILLS RUN RED is the story of a young horror film geek who becomes unhealthily obsessed with finding the lost film THE HILLS RUN RED. The problem with the flick is it’s just not sordid enough and it looks like the same kind of generic mainstream crap that comes from Platinum Dunes and the like. These movies never look grimy enough for me.  The kid playing the obsessed geek is too young and fresh faced and looks too WB. Actually the whole thing looks too WB with the requisite MTV editing. There’s some good ideas in this and it plays with them but it’s just too fucking safe. My impression was that they were doing a riff on director Roger Watkins and THE LAST HOUSE ON DEAD END STREET but nobody else seems to think so. William Sadler as the deranged director isn’t creepy enough in a dangerous way. Everyone involved should have been on a meth binge before, during and after shooting. Sophie Monk has nice tits. It’s not awful but just sorta there.

'Don't worry, tits are coming. I won't gyp you like Robert Rodriguez did"

'Don't worry, tits are coming. I won't gyp you like Robert Rodriguez did"

"... but to be fair, I'm about 40 years younger than Rose McGowan."

"... but to be fair, I'm about 40 years younger than Rose McGowan."

"you, the home viewer deserve this"

"you, the home viewer, deserve this"

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GAMMERA THE INVINCIBLE

 I think I first heard of Gammera by seeing the movie listed in an early seventies TV Guide and as a young kid I found the idea of a giant, fire breathing turtle pretty cool. I recently picked up a dvr set of the uncut Japanese versions from Monsters in Motion and have slowly been going through them. I know it drives the purists crazy but I usually prefer the Americanized versions as they are what I grew up on. Yeah, that includes GODZILLA too. Oh sorry,  I meant GOJIRA. That’s how you know when somebody takes this shit too seriously, they insist on saying “Gojira”. Say what you will but I think Raymond Burr really ties it all together nicely and as a kid I was sorta baffled by Perry Mason being in a Godzilla flick. It’s great having access to both though and the bulk of the Gammera movies on public domain releases look like crap. Anyway, the Japanese versions look great. The sharp, crisp picture really shows the nice effects work. Like GODZILLA, GAMMERA THE INVINCIBLE is a pretty somber film with a fair amount of sadness to it. It’s the only one in B & W and that adds a lot.vlcsnap-10593614

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Some of the subtitles are great. My favorite says “Plato’s philosophy and old legends mentioned fire breathing turtles.” Really makes you think.

The Japanese version has some Americans in it as Air Force command staff but they are replaced in the American version with different guys and Albert Dekker and Brian Donlevy are added as well. My favorite part of the American version is a news program debate between opposite sides of the Gammera issue. Here is the clip:

 

Here’s is the Japanese version opening and first few minutes:

and the American version from Alpha video’s disc:

Japanese version rock club clip:

 

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Some of you Marvel Comics readers may recognize “Plan Z” as the same plan that was used on the Hulk a couple of years ago. It failed on Gammera as well.

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