LOST-There’s No Place Like Home

I was asleep when I watched this episode but I got the gist of it. The OCEANIC SIX will most likely be the name of some shitty Austin band any day now. But in the meantime listen to the sad sweeping score as the Six get off the plane, they’ve been through so much. JACK’S martyrdom continues as he heroically bleeds and walks with his look on his face. His only look.

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” Why are you watching that stupid island show?”

I don’t know about you but I just don’t see enough commercials during LOST. I wonder how they make their money? So they have a stupid press conference where we get the fake story about a fishing boat or some such shit. I would’ve them if there were any giant gorillas on the island. Why would they let a chick with a murder warrant be at a press conference? 

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You had your chance. Fag”

Cheech looks orange. God, why do they make HURLEY run? Oh yeah, I remember what was real fucking stupid, KATE’S tracking abilities. So they start making trips to the freighter but first they separate the nameless characters who don’t have flashbacks from the others. Or they should’ve. Why are they still there? Man they sure got gipped in the OCEANIC SIX deal.

vlcsnap-13037951 ” If we’re not gonna fuck I’m gonna make some nachos.”

Not much happened really. I kept thinking some violence would erupt or something. It was like waiting for Godzilla to get to Tokyo, but he never gets there. Oh, BATMANUEL and the OTHERS showed up, more than a little late. Still no mention of the ENTIRE other island. And five miles back and forth is a long way in a rubber raft. Big two hour season finale in two weeks, but in the meantime check out Jesus Franco’s EUGENIE DE SADE

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” good nachos”

It stars the late Soledad Miranda and is available from Blue Underground, which is a great DVD company.

LOST- CABIN FEVER

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So, where was I? Oh yeah, the High Sheriffs at myspace kicked me off. Apparently they’ve rid their site of all the perverts trolling for underage tail and have set their sights on regular joe lunchbox trying to bring a little culture to the masses.  Know this O’ Myspace there will be justice…like lightning.

I’m gonna breeze through this LOST blog more than usual, for one thing It turned out that what I thought was LOST was actually GREY’S ANATOMY. Looking back, I see that now but in my defense both had annoying characters, polar bears and mysterious happenings.

I have to say I enjoyed the return last week of my favorite JACK, the one drunker than “Tony Stark”.  Man, that KATE sure can pick ’em. And a round of applause for the new character, that surly bad boy, JACK’S APPENDIX.

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After JACK’S needlessly heroic operation I love him that much more. So LOCKE’S mom is apparently Joanie Cunningham’s slutty friend Jenny Picolo from TV’s “Happy Days” (also on ABC, well , 30 years ago). She gets knocked up and has premie LOCKE. Now I’m confused. Is LOCKE’S father BATMANUEL?  bm

Because that would be cool. So he may want to take LOCKE to the Xavier School for Weird Kids but then LOCKE picks the knife. I thought LOCKE’S dad was the guy SAWYER killed? Whatever. But then again, LOCKE’S granny didn’t recognize BATMANUEL so he probably is just an observer. Bottom line, they (Original Time Traveling Island Guys) have kept tabs on LOCKE.

Meanwhile, SAYID manages to look like he has a plan when clearly he does not. KEAMY, the crazy merc ain’t gonna let the obviously out of his weight class SMOKE MONSTER push him around.  MICHAEL still can’t be shot and has finally stopped wandering around saying “Walt” and “They took ma boy”.

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I gotta say JEFF FAHEY is one of the best character actors around. So LOCKE, HURLEY and BEN wander around until GHOST BEN’S DAD tells him to wander around some more. LOCKE needs to find the dungeon master’s island map to the magic cabin. LOCKE’S real dad must be JACOB or something. KEAMY has a weird scene where he gets something strapped to him. Somehow everyone misses SAYID leaving in the raft.

Finally, CHRISTIAN SHEPHERD and his daughter CLAIRE are all cryptic and spooky in the cabin. If everyone would just knock off all the “Nostradamus” talk and speak clearly a lot of bullshit would be avoided. Turns out the best solution that time traveling, undead guys who control whatever the fuck the smoke monster is and would seem to be fairly formidable can come up with is to “move the island”. Okay. I would just kill the fairly incompetent mercenaries and be done with it but moving the island works too.

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I think there are two more episodes before a seven month break which is good because I bet the internet geeks are still searching for shit like whose picture is in LOCKE’S locker and is the comic book BATMANUEL had real? If I was you, I would use the break to watch the awesome POPEYE Collection . It’s completely re-mastered and is amazing. The color cartoons are almost 3-D. Check out “King of Mardi Gras” or the “Sinbad” 17 minute short featured in this blog.

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